Death and What I Believe

I was driving to work this morning enjoying the wonderment of GOD and his work when I realized that  I've been thinking a lot about Death lately.  Not in a negative way, but rather when I die what do I want to be remembered as.  A close family friend passed away recently and I think that is why I have started to think more on the subject.  I have found death harder to deal with these last couple of years.  I don't know if it is because of the past memories or the memories that will not be made anymore with those who have left us.  I have decided a couple of things with this thoughtful journey of mine.  When I pass away, I want "Born Free" by Kid Rock played at the memorial service.  If you truly know me, you will know that this song represents all that is good and true in my world.  I also wrote somethings of who I am and what I believe in, hopefully this will be read, so those that really don't know me can understand what kind of a person I am.

Stephanie's ...I Believe In...
Sunrises, Sunsets, A child's innocence and laughter,The fact that I can have a relationship with GOD and it doesn't have to be in church, The beauty of the ocean and the woods, Bonfires with close friends, Everyone having at least a little "good" in them, Long slow passionate kisses that can bring you to your knees, The smell of a man's cologne, The sanctity of marriage, Educating others no matter the subject or age, Laughing at yourself before you have the right to laugh at someone else, Hope, The truth that there is someone out there for everyone young or old, Real Rock n' Roll, Walking in someone else's shoes even if for just a moment, The wonderment of seeing something for the first time, Being a fool sometimes, The slow smooth sound of a good jazz expression, A hard day's work for a hard day's pay, Helping others, Anger sometimes, A good game of Basketball/Football, A snow day to cuddle up by a fireplace, The differences in other faiths, The warmth of the sun, Quiet times, Reading a good book that will move you to core and change your life, The karma of.. if you are kind to other's it will come back to you.  This is who I am and when you see or hear these things think of me fondly and know that this is who I was.

Peace.
Stephanie

Falling.....

Fall is a time of the year that some people love...For me it is a time of sadness and darkness...I see Fall as the time of year where things start to die, Winter as the hibernation period of the year, Spring as a new beginning time of the year, and Summer as the exploration time of the year. 

I look at fall as the beginning of the death cycle of life, because the wind grows colder, the leaves die and fall from the trees and the beginning of the grey gloomy days have creeped upon us.  However, today is a different kind of Fall day... these are the few and far between days of Fall that I actually do like.  The sky is blue from as far as the eye can see.  When the wind blows it is crisp but not cold and when the sun shines directly on your face, your whole body warms up and your spirits rise.  Today is a good day for a cider mill run...Warm apple cider, warm cinnamon sugared doughnuts with an ease about the day that for whatever reason you just want to be in the moment.  Today I will be Fallling... in the cycle of life...

Just sharing...

I saw this today from one of my favorite author's Paulo Coelho and just had to share....


One doesn’t love in order to do what is good or to help or to protect someone. If we act that way, we are perceiving the other as a simple object, and we seeing ourselves as wise and generous persons. This has nothing to do with love. To love is to be in communion with the other and to discover in that other the spark of God.


You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.


Now my rant....
What is it too be in love with someone??? I can honestly say I don't know. I have never been in love.  I have been hurt, I have lusted, have had crushes after some men, but I have never been in love.. And the funniest thing out of all of this...I am probably the most romantic out there of all of my friends...I was always the one that thought and hoped that there was/is someone out there for all of us.  All I ever wanted was someone to love me as much as I loved them and when they put their arms around me I felt safe and loved.


 I think it is because I would never let anyone in, my walls would go up even from the time from when I was young.  I learned to cope with things by putting walls up, only letting certain people in my "bubble".  Those that were there in the good and the bad.  I used to be very outgoing when I was young.  Then I had some things happen in my life and boom! I became the shyest person you would probably ever know.  It was strange for some people to understand and I am still not sure if they do.  But that's who I became.  I still have a hard time even as an adult to not be shy around people after I have been out of circulation for awhile or am nervous to say Hi to someone I knew a longtime ago, in case they don't remember who I am.  I even sometimes become socially inept. But, life is about learning and that's what I intend to do...


But this saying spoke to me earlier.... letting me know that what I thought was love, really wasn't and that I have to take the risk, let someone in and let the walls fall down.  To look from the person inside and learn to trust again.....


Peace,
Stephanie

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